happy.

yes.

finally.

______________

i have an amazing boyfriend and he makes my heart smile.

the end.

they got breast and thighs but no they don't have chicken legs

oh my oh my.
life is good.
but not incredible.
not yet. (:
this i am working on.

love
me.

party's over everybody go home.

basically rejected.
damnit.
waterworks.

i'll try to kiss you if you let me

i'm really tired of being that girl.
yeah, the one that makes out with other girl's boyfriend.
i really need to stop myself.
or find someone worth a shit so that i can be exclusive.



can't get my mind of someone.
why me?

long live the king

lets run away.
get the hell out of this town.
there is no need to rush.
we can just take our time.
plan it all right.
get a place in the mountains.
where it gets cold and snows.
no, i wouldn't like snow.
somewhere warm during the day
and sweat shirt weather at night.
yeah. that would be the life.

we're all whores some of us just get paid

i have come to realize i enjoy spending time alone.
don't get me wrong,
i love all of my friends and love their company.
but as of late, i just want to be alone.

i think part of this new found hermit feeling
is because anytime i spend time with my friends
its always cut short, and i have to make the phone calls.
everyone always does things at night
and i work at night.
i need a good book.
one that i can read that might cheer me up a little.

i think its time to reread
the perks of being a wallflower
again.

decision made?

i think.
i'm pretty sure i'm moving to savannah,
instead of moving to statesboro.
why?
it seems more practical.
i have a job in savannah,
and i spend most of my time there anyway.
i could easily go to armstrong, or savannah tech
or the fifty other colleges in savannah.
and, i really need to get out of my house.
i love my parents, and we get along
but i'm 18 now, i have a job
and i pay for all of my own things
maybe its time for me to start paying my own bills too.
i have a place in mind.
i just need reliable roommates.

tonight i'm leavin on a train...

so much has stayed the same.
nothing has changed.
got nothing to blog about.
don't care about stupidity anymore.
quitting smoking though.
makes me feel kinda sick now a days.
feeling just as lonely as always.
i'm not settling for second best anymore.
i'm no longer a last resort.
just someone to pass the time 'til their girl gets home.
no, i've got respect for myself.
more class than most in these parts.
so why don't i have my knight in shining armor
(too much class?)
maybe i should stop looking..
(too weak to try)
maybe its someone right in front of me
(they're just a passer by)
one day i'll have my prince.


its late.
good night.

romeo loves juliet...

juliet she felt the same...


things are still okay.
just trying to make decisions...
really really hard decisions.
good luck?

i will die for you but i wont live for you

things are great.
my life is looking up.


now i need a companion.

scream.

its okay.
no one will even notice.

i need you to pretend that we are in love again.

you just don't get it do you?

i have really low self-image.
i hate absolutely hate the way i look about myself.
i need to get over it, but its hard.
because i know i'm not doing anything about it.
some motivation to do things would be nice.
maybe i'll write it down so someone out there will understand.


i will always always always disagree with compliments.
why? thats absurd i know.
but, i haven't always been as cute as people say that i am now.
and when you go from looking like a boy, to being hideous and fat.
yes, i was fat, and i still think that i'm too big.
compliments wont solve it, and i don't believe them.
its all because of a not to distant past.
when you're told you're ugly, and when you're teased for so long
about little things even its really hard not to forget.

and until i have my own person, yes, i will feel like a third wheel.
its happened for so long, i should be used to it.
but i'm not. don't think i'll ever be.
i mean, i've had little 'flings' but, those don't count.
i try really hard not to let it get to me.
so if i seem down, i probably am.
and i tend to go into situations with a negative attitude
but when you go off with two couples hello.
think about it.
it might be different if it were every now and again
but it's too often for me to just blow it off.

sorry.

not what i thought.

oh dear. what have i gotten myself into now.

what?

yeah. uh huh. okay. sure. mhm.
haha. right. uh. shit.






i hate that feeling.

i need a home.

i have a job and a car and i'll buy my own food.
anyone want a roomie for a few weeks?

to you:

you're not tough.
you don't intimidate me.
i don't have time to talk about you,
and i care oh so much about what you think.
and if i'm sooo ugly, why do your boys want me.
not you.
just because you've got a few years on me
doesn't mean you're more mature.
i have a life, if i cared about yours, i would talk shit.
but, i don't.
completely one hundred percent apathetic.
thank you.

p.s. stop getting pregnant.
you're the reason my parents wont let me out.

thump.

its still beating.
faster, harder, stronger.
fluttering, non stop.
the pace gets quicker.
don't forget to breathe.
___________________________

as much as i do miss the people that used to be in my life.
i'm extremely happy for those that are in it currently.
its a feeling i have never quite experienced.
i'm happy for everything that i have received.
i'm happy to give it out.
despite my better judgment,
i think i'm really doing everything right this time.

i'll be walking across a stage in 5 days.
in an ugly maroon robe.
with a stupid looking cap.
and i'm ecstatic.

a few weeks from now we'll be working on our apartment.
we will make it what we want.
we'll tear down walls, rip up carpet,
and add a fresh coat of paint.
it will be what we make it in its entirety.
don't worry, it will be chaotic.
and it could spring up an argument or two.
but all of our hard work will pay off.

it was only a kiss

last week was amazing.

there are no other words to describe how i felt.

pure ecstasy, no need for drugs.

i'm currently high on life.

idk.

so much left to do.

so little time.

i'm still scared.

is this really happening.

i feel so alone.

so dead inside.

i hate waking up.

i look foreword to going to sleep.

its the only state that brings happiness.

i need a change of scenery.

i need a change of pace.

i need new faces.

sorry. [rant]

i have a brain and i'm not going to stoop down to your level.


how come girls are not allowed to think for themselves?
is it really such a bad thing?
seriously, think about it.
sorry i'm straightforward and i have my own thought processes.
and, just because i'm nice to you, or you seem halfway interesting
does not mean that i have any intentions with you.
i'm a flirt, i've come to realize that, and i'm okay with it too.
it's my personality. it does not make me a slut
and it especially does not mean that i want to be your girl.
i'm really starting to get frustrated.
grow up.

i felt you in my legs before i ever met you

i'm starting to realize things will be okay.

i do find it depressing that people find me intimidating.

and i'm too much of a flirt.

i'm sorry, i have a personality and i speak my mind.

i'm sorry, i'm not strung out.

i'm sorry, i wont sleep with you in the matter of a week.

i'm sorry, i have class.

less than one month left.

i'll be done.

i'll move on.

i'll be happy.

I'm gonna race with the devil and maybe i'll win.

i hate how you think you might know someone,

and they turn out to be totally different.

i'm sick of lies.

and i'm glad i don't do drugs.

lets get out of here.

i feel like dancin.

i wanna shout, and jump for joy.

yeah, that would be the life.

4.20.09

spring break was okay.

this summer will be amazing.

i'm stoked. g'night.

movies that show the stories of our lives.

because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

and after all your my wonder wall.

it felt like a scene from a movie.

with the screen shots 

and all the things i noticed 

within that 4 minutes of listening

it was highly refreshing

charlie i love you. i wish i knew you.

"So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be"

i need something like a really good book

i want something that will give me a different perspective.

something that will change who i am.

and who i want to be.

i think i deserve that much.

SAT. ew.

i got my SAT scores.

490 on critical reading

470 on math.

i did really good on the essay

i knew that wouldn't be bad. :/

hopefully i'll get in.

4.6.09

i'm happy. my weekend was great.

i had an amazing time with my oldest friends.

and even made a few new ones.

my family partied and they make me happy.

i can't stop smiling, and i don't have any worries.

'last week i had the strangest dream

where everything was exactly how it seemed'

4.3.09

Today is a good day. I'm realizing who my real friends are.  

Just know you mean the world to me.

I have happiness.

4.2.09

excited, nervous, happy, alone, together, aggravated, troubled, loved, hated, refreshed

i'm scared and starting over, no regrets, less mistakes.

i sit here in yearbook not knowing what to expect out of my life.  i'm moving away to college and yeah i've got lauren by my side, but i want something more than that.   i want someone to care about me, to understand my flaws.  i want someone that does not lie.

'are you dead or are you sleepin'

3.31.09

just when I think everything is going well, it screws up yet again. 

i don't know what to do with myself.  i worry too much. i care too much, and i get nothing in return. story of my life.

'with a bullet in your chest you cannot run'